“ A recent survey showed that 16 – 25 year olds spend on average sixteen minutes and seven attempts to take the perfect selfie.” – The ‘Ugly Truth’ about Body Dysmorphic Disorder, BBC News.
Selfie:“ A photograph that one has taken of oneself, typically one taken with a smartphone or webcam and shared via social media.”
This article has inspired me to explore ‘selfies’ a lot further. In relation to my essay topic on body dysmorphia, I have decided to manipulate seven selfies (the average amount that people normally take) and edit them, in order to represent body dysmorphia and how the sufferer sees themselves.
Distorted appearance – many sufferer’s see a minor issue as a major flaw.
Contorted effect.
Pixel effect that distorts the facial experience.
I have made this selfie (see above) closely relate to how I saw myself prior to my jaw surgery. I disliked my chin as I thought it looked too big and i thought my cheeks were huge and looked definition.
When I looked in the mirror or had my photograph taken, I saw the face of a young child.
When my underbite became more problematic, I began to find ways to hide the ‘flaw’ by pulling a face, pouting, having my face on an angle or hiding the bottom half of my face behind a glass, hand or person.
Blur effect.
I drew a child-like illustration over my face depicting how I once saw myself.
As part of my COP2 research, I had to include an experience which relates to my essay topic. I have decided to look at body dysmorphia after undergoing surgery over the summer. The experience has made me more self-aware of certain issues that I believe should be addressed more clearly.
X-ray from the day after my surgery – 22/08/15
In spring 2014, my facial appearance became more worrying to me, before I turned eighteen. It was at this time when I was beginning to become more self-conscious and paranoid about my appearance.
May 2013 – I had my top brace fitted.
11th September 2013 – Jaw surgery – my upper jaw was too narrow so this procedure involved breaking and expanding my upper jaw. Over the next few months, I had to have a metal plate across the roof of my mouth which made talking and eating difficult.
ENDLESS orthodontist appointments…
21st August 2015 – final jaw surgery.
I was told by my orthodontist and surgeon that this would not make a ‘major’ difference to my facial appearance but I was able to notice slight changes.
At that time, I was very accepting and understanding, especially as I was pinning my hopes on hat fact that I would be having my final operation the following year. Unfortunately, I was told towards the end of 2013 that I was to await another eighteen months before I was to be considered for my final surgery. I remember feeling really disappointed but I knew that it was important to remain optimistic and positive throughout.
Beforehand, I could not even put into words how I was feeling. When I turned eighteen, I knew that the world was my oyster and there were fresh and exciting opportunities coming my way, such as starting my degree. Although, I began to slowly become obsessive about my facial appearance which became even more prominent to my family members in 2014.
I began going out in Leeds a lot more but I started to cake myself in more make-up and I would go out and buy more clothes. I tried to make myself look older as I did not feel nineteen when I looked in the mirror and saw this child-like face. I don’t like to use the word ‘hate’ but I genuinely began to hate the way I looked. My mouth was tiny, my profile was hideous and I thought my cheeks and chin were massive and it was as though I had never grown into my face.
I began comparing myself to my friends who seemed to ooze confidence when we were out. I tried avoiding photographs and whenever, I took them myself, I would find ways to hide my ‘flaw’ by hiding the bottom half of my face behind a glass, having my face on an angle or even pouting (to give my cheeks some sort of definition). I thought that this was normal behaviour and I did not even think about my obsessive actions until my Mum told me when I returned home from the hospital that she and my Dad had been becoming concerned that I was displaying signs of body dysmorphia. This completely shocked me.
On 21st August 2015, I underwent my final jaw surgery.
My upper jaw was broken and detached – raised on the left hand side and moved forward by 6mm and fixed into the new position with four titanium plates and sixteen screws.
In all honesty, I was petrified at the prospect of it but my excitement was to counteract any nerves as I had been waiting so long for this moment.
I was supposed to undergo double jaw surgery. However, my surgeon came to see me when I was put on the ward and told me that my upper jaw only had to be operated on. In my drowsy state, I remember feeling a rush of panic as I was concerned that my surgery would not have made any difference to my appearance. Though, he reassured me that you could notice the difference already. As family members came to visit, I was to still seek reassurance that my underbite had been fixed.
It is all psychological – in these three months since my surgery, it still has not been easy, as I have still been having to be reassured that my underbite has gone. Although, I am starting to become more accepting and I am slowly starting to gain confidence. However, I am still nervous at the thought of having my photograph taken as I look and still see my underbite.
I still think it is going to take a long time before I feel ‘me’ and feel comfortable in my own skin but I am getting there!
It has most definitely been an eye-opening experience and for me, it has made me more self-aware of the issues surrounding mental health and body dysmorphia.
In relation to my essay, relating to body dysmorphia, I have been exploring Play-doh. With this material, my aim is to visually represent the distortions that the sufferers see. I have been experimenting with the material, by creating a variety of obscure shapes, thus showing the irregularity of how the individual sees themselves.
Showing the effects of body dysmorphia by showing one piece of play-doh being smooth and round whilst the other is out of shape.
I also went on to mixing the coloured play-doh together, in order to represent the mental effects of this disorder, which does not easily go away and can be a constant threat to the sufferers daily lives. Furthermore, the obsession that people have on their appearance can spiral out of control, even resulting in depression and suicide.
The significance behind this connection between Play-doh and body dysmorphia is that the material can easily be manipulated into different forms. It is all very light and soft to the touch, which could be seen as a representation of the sensitivity behind the issue along with the fragility of the sufferer’s mind.
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I went back to the Play-doh a couple of weeks later and tried to be more imaginative when it comes to exploring with the material.
I tore the material into small pieces and placed them close to each other. I found this really interesting and significant as it could be seen to symbolise the sufferer’s shattered confidence and the fragility of their mind.
I then went onto using my hands to roll out sections of the material thus creating these long, ill-proportioned shapes.
Finally, I was really interested in slowly tearing the Play-doh apart. I was drawn to this one especially as if you look closely, it seems to resemble a face.
Evie Martin 